Comparing the “new” and “old” me

This is an article to share the experience of someone who would like to share the joy of aging. If you are above 40 years old, then you may find some similar experience that I am going to share, like being more patient and not needing new things. If you are however less than 40, this article may help you understand why the “older” folks behave the way they do, such as being slow, stubborn and boring.

(Photo by Sven Mieke on Unsplash)

I am somewhere in my late fifties, have two sons around the age of twenty and planning for my retirement. So I am pretty qualified to be considered as an old person. The “old” me refers to myself before age 40 and the “new” refers to me now. Aging is a slow process, not something that can be rushed. You only start to realize that you are aging when you do not find yourself physically the same as before (in terms of speed, strength, agility, response, balance, etc.). Try standing on one leg with both eyes closed. Do this only in a safe place where you can use your hands to recover your balance. If you find difficulty in balancing, you are crossing the mark. Now, I will talk more about how to age later in the article, when you understand the “new” and “old” me.

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Let’s start with eating, the “new” me vs the “old” me. When I was younger, eating whether it’s breakfast, lunch or dinner, is an enjoyment. I would like to have different food each breakfast, lunch and dinner. I would try new variation of a burger or pasta or steak or soup or noodles or bread, and often plan my schedule around eating a food from a particular place and time. The “new” me eats roughly the same food each week, Monday to Sunday, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Eating has become a regular chore like washing of clothes, bathing, brushing of teeth, shaving, etc.. You eat because you have to, not because you like it particularly. In fact, most of the food items I am eating today, I have already ate them hundreds of times. And as you age, you tend to need less food as you tend to move around less (eg. no more fetching of kids to schools), so in fact you can and should eat less. Furthermore for me, I have the dreaded diabetes, and so I need to maintain the right level of blood sugar in my body. Now, not everyone has diabetes, but since it is such a hidden disease, many older folks like me might already been in pre-diabetes stage even before they knew it. So, it is still wise to eat less when you age.

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What about clothing? You may think that the “new’ me would still like to dress for the occasion and buy new clothes every year. Nope, in fact for most things I need to buy, I would buy the same thing over and over again, maybe in different colours. I have been buying the same cotton T-shairts from Uniqlo for the last few years, when the shirts age, I bought their replacements with new print but essentially the same T-shirts. I am buying the same tennis shoes (or rather the same model of the tennis shoes), rather than changing to newer models . New styles, features, colors, etc., no longer attract me. What I want is familiarity (it should work the same way as before), function (it must wear and feel the same as before), having the same look and feel, and hopefully costs less. In fact, not just for clothing, practically everything I am buying today, I have a preference to buy the same thing (washing machine, microwave oven, TV, computer, mobile phone, furniture, bed, mattress, etc.). The “old” me never understood this habit of older folks (like my parents).

(Photo by Clément Hélardot on Unsplash)

What about work? My career is in the IT sector, and I previously worked in many well-known IT vendors (such as SUN Microsystems, Cisco Systems, IBM, Amazon Web Services). In this line, time is always not enough. There will always be tasks to do, technology to learn, and new opportunities to grind. A large share of my brain power has to be dedicated to work. And in this line, there is always the need to scale up in position level, seniority, or face a fall down the ladder. Everyone in IT starts as a junior engineer, then move up gradually to full engineer, senior engineer, staff engineer, principal engineer and distinguished engineer. There is always a level to climb after staying for a few years in the same level. But now, I am happy to stay where I am. Achieving the next level is no longer a priority.

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Driving is an activity I enjoy a lot. I am fortunate to be able to own a series of nice cars (including Honda Integra Type-R and Mitsubishi Evolution MR9). On the road, I’m a “competitive” driver; I always drive on the overtaking lane and I don’t like to lose my position in the lane. You can overtake me if you are in front of me (from an adjacent lane), but I will never leave a gap for you to insert into my lane if you are coming from behind (as I believe I’m always travelling fast enough on the overtaking lane). This makes driving fairly stressful since I’m always driving at the “overtaking” speed (about 10–20% above the maximum speed limit of that road or expressway). That’s the “old” me in driving. Now, I hardly bother. I just drive at whatever pace I like. There is no hurry, nor need to keep up any speed.

Not everything changes when you age. The urge to win is one of them. I play tennis regularly with a bunch of folks who are in their 60’s and 70’s. All of them play to win. For me, although I still enjoy winning, it’s more of playing a good stroke or shot. Win or lose does not matter that much anymore.

So, how is life with the “new” me? With the slow down and reduction of capabilities, isn’t life less fulfilling and has less achievements? Well, no. You’ll have more time and capacity to appreciate whatever you are doing. Most of the acitivities you are doing are those that you have done many times before. So, you know what is to come and you can slowly enjoy the moments. You may appear to be slow or stubborn, but you are actually able to enjoy your activities much deeper. That’s where you can get more joy and satisfaction in what you do.

(Photo by Centre for Ageing Better on Unsplash)

So if you are younger than 40, how should you approach aging? First, let the aged folks do what they want to do. There is no need to hurry them or get them to change for the better. They are used to what they have done before and they are very comfortable. Give them more time and space. Your time will come and it is important for you to prepare for the “new” you. As you approach your “middle” life, you will face many life challenges, such as loss of job, death of parents and friends, death of your favourite actors and artists, accidents resulting in pain or temporary disability, loss of intimacy with your children, and so on. You need to take stock of what matters to you and plan for your activities when you are more alone and less capable physically. You may need to engage in sports alone (like swimming, cycling, running alone) and start some new hobbies (like hiking, bird watching, photography, fishing, etc.). Life can still be very meaningful and full of fun. Hope this article can help you appreciate the aging process and help you plan for it.